Admitting defeat

Not defeat in regards to trying for a baby. More like admitting I was wrong.
Soooo you may have seen my previous post? If not, I’ll do a little bit of a recap.

– stopped taking the pill and got married in August 2014.
– had a period August and a smaller/lighter one September but had nothing in October/November/December
– bled heavily for 3 weeks in January. Had blood tests done for PCOS and was told all clear.
– been told several times that I need to lose weight.

So since that 3 week bleed in January, I’ve had nothing. I did a few pregnancy tests end of Feb/beginning of March when I felt like I could be pregnant, but they were all negative. The doctor told me that my blood test results were all clear for PCOS – there was a higher reading there but I had a horrendous chest infection/cold thing and they said it was likely to be that.

I’m starting to realise now that I need to take this whole weight loss thing more seriously (she says, eating the last of her easter chocolate). Hopefully losing some weight will help to regulate my periods and you know – help with the baby making process.

Worryingly, I’ve also had a letter through from the doctors asking to speak to me about my blood test results – I was told they were all clear but this was by a different doctor I saw when I went in about my cold. You never see the same person twice at my surgery. I haven’t had chance to ring them back yet because of the bank holiday weekend.

So, this is me admitting I was wrong to get angry about being moaned at about my weight.

This is me declaring to take weight loss more seriously. (I find it helps to publish these things on blogs, to give you more incentive or whatever)

At the moment, I’m reading through a blog called Baby Rabies that is just summing up exactly how I’ve been feeling about wanting to have a baby so badly (minus the weight issue). It was started back in 2007 but it’s definitely worth the read.

Mrs B

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Babies, babies, everywhere…

So, since my broody button was pushed almost two years ago, there’s been babies everywhere. Seriously. It’s like I’ve got a sign above my head. HEY COME AND SHOW OFF YOUR BABY.

One of my friends was pregnant when I first started being broody, giving birth soon after to a beautiful baby girl that I went round to see often. She’s now on to her second child – a gorgeous little boy and telling me I need to catch up. The cheek!

My brother-in-law and his wife have had a little boy who’s going to be one in April and who’s just started crawling everywhere.

It’s not just my friends/family that are having babies either. At work, it’s mostly female employees but a lot of them are between the ages of 18 and 21 so there aren’t a lot of pregnancies. I’ve been there 3 years and up until 2014 there had only been 4 pregnancies. (Though one of them came back from maternity leave pregnant again and left shortly afterwards.)

In the last year alone, there have been a rush of pregnancies. So many that there have been jokes about pregnancy cults, and bets on who will be next. (when the finger is pointed at me I just smile and say “we’ll see”.) I think we’re currently up to four. One of the girls has now had her baby, the second is about 6 months along now, the third was sadly unwanted and the fourth is about 12 weeks in.

So not only am I being surrounded by pregnant people and babies at work – including patients that bring in their newborns and show off their bumps… I’m also being blasted on facebook with pregnancy announcements and birth announcements.

Don’t get me wrong – I am so, SO, happy for these people… i’m just a little jealous as well. Why are they all getting pregnant and not me? It’s an awful thing to think and I feel terrible every time. I’m coming to terms with the fact that maybe I’m just not ready yet but it’s a slow process. If I believed in God, I’d think he was testing me.

My time will come, I know it, I just need to be patient.
(I’m sure that reading other people’s baby blogs doesn’t help… but I can’t help it.)